i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize