We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
