Your mouth is God's brothel.
he puts the penis in happiness.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
