Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Maybe he injected his testicle?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
