saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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