Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
