Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
