I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
