my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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