im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
