You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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