Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
do herpes really smell.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Damn victory sex feels great
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
