i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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