I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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