Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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