So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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