the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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