You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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