if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
