Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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