that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
