Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
