My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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