just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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