You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
