dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
