i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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