Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Oh god it's open bar.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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