hell yes lets make some ravioli
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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