I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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