I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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