I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize