I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
