you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
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