No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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