I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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