I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
either way he was missing a nipple.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
