do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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