i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
