I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
