I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
