I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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