i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
