Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
