perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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