Apparently you make a good broom.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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