I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
