i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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