I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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