i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
