She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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