I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
