I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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