you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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