do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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