hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
