some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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