i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
