The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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