Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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