I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
