actually, I'm a sock model
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
