I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
