dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Randomize
