): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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