i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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