there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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